Category: Random Philosophy Page 2 of 15

Being The Procrastinating Tortoise

The more one indulges in procrastination in writing, the longer it takes to get the mojo back. Not that your head doesn’t brim up with ideas for a new post, but none of those seem good enough. There’s always that hesitation that puts up a red light in your way. You wait. And then get tired of the wait. Change course to find a new way towards your destination. Every post in your draft is a testimony to this ‘wait-and-change’ phenomenon.

Irrespective of where you are on the road, expecting red lights to pop up without warning, is ironically expected. The smart thing is always to choose a time when there is less traffic. The pauses in your life must be leveraged to steer you towards the ideal destination.

What’s ideal?

As far as the horizon allows you to see. Filled with uncertainty and yet the promise of displacing you from your current state. Change is better (maybe). Or at least it promises to be better. And perhaps that’s the whole game.
When you read more (the good stuff) and invariably compare your own (the yet to be good stuff), it worries you. Makes you think, will THIS ever be good enough?

I’m not even bringing in the perspectives of others, on how they find your writing to be, it’ll always be a mixed bag. Your own process, swinging in your head, automatically triggers you to judge your own writing. Helplessly, you heave a sigh! Tired of trying to match up. Crawling uphill on bare feet when the world zooms past you in their fancy motors. Blowing away their 2-cent wisdom on your face.

You, of course, don’t give a damn. Because you convince yourself that you’re here for the longer run. It is a marathon and not a sprint. You’ll be the tortoise.

Aaj kuch likh rahe hain

आज काफी मोहलत निकालके लिखने बैठा हूँ। कुछ खास लिखने को है नही पर फिरभी मन हुआ कि कुछ लिखूं। आजकल लिखने का routine फॉलो नही होपता और न ही कुछ होता है शेयर रोज़ाना करने।

हल्की ठंड में जो यर हवा चलती है, इसमे में कम ही निकल बाहर बैठता हूँ पर साला आज ये भी कर रहा हूँ जैकेट डाले और कानों में शफल पे लगे ईरफ़ोन पर गाना.कॉम पर गाने सुनते हुए।

सुनिएगा क्या?

फिलहाल ‘मीर-ए-कारवां’ बज रहा है। लिखने में थोड़ा इफ़ेक्ट आये एहिके लिए लगा दिया है। खैर, गाने तो आप सुनते ही होंगे। कोई अच्छा हो तो बतलाइये हमभी ऐड करलेंगे प्लेलिस्ट में अपने। ऑफिस में ईरफ़ोन लगाके ही काफी लोगों से बचा जाता है, कभी कभी तो गाना बज भी न रह होता है और हम ‘हैँ?’ करते पाए जाते हैं। का किया जाए, बकैती करने वालों का ढेर है हर तरफ।

दिमाग खुदको शांत रखने देना ही नही चाहता । बताइये। पहले पूरा दोपहरी बस लेटे लेटे ही बीता लेते थे। इसी सोमवार आएं हैं गुजरात घुमके और अभी अगला कहाँ निकलना है उसका प्लानिंग होगया। कंपलेन नही कर रहे बस कह रहे है । नही सुन्ना तो सजाइए, रात होगया है। सुबह पढ़ रहे हैं इसको तो जाइये काम कीजिए , वीकेंड ठक ठका रहा है।

कितना कुछ होता है न कहने को? मतलब हम तो ऐसे ही लिखके थोड़ा कुछ बाहर उगल देते रहते हैं? ई न हो तो का करे आदमी? उमर के साथ, बतियाने वाला लोग भी कम होजाता है। बोल बताने के लिए तो कतार रहता ही है, खैर। सबका अपना अपना है।

ठहराव नही है। आता है और फिर गायब। लाइफ भी एक्सपेरिमेंट होरहा है। थॉमस एडिसन जैसा 1000 बार नही कर पाएंगे बल्ब जलाने का ट्राय। स्वदेश में आखिर में खड़ी बुढ़िया ‘बिजली’ की आस में। ओहि होना बाकी है।

कहना का का था, और का का कह गए। बकैती सीख रहे जैन हम भी। दस्तूर है अब ज़माने का।



That’s one word that has got stuck in my headspace. And the more I think about it, the more dangerous the thoughts emanating from it appear to me. Not having a purpose to your social self is problematic. And it’s not limited to the idea of ‘nothing to look forward to’ but the eventuality of that (or anything desired) ceasing to exist.
Towards the end of last month, back at home, I ended up visiting the graveyard for a funeral in the colony. Being away, it is very rare that you even participate in a funeral or even visit the graveyard. Without an assured certainty, I can accord the origins of this persisting pointlessness to it or just consider that as a trigger. Nevertheless, it has occupied some real estate for a while.
And then this evening, as I sat down in the balcony, while the evening was announcing its arrival, the moment brought some sense to me. I could finally feel my breath. All of it, the inhaling and exhaling of it, right there. The partial answer to the pointlessness just bared itself in the form of a simple moment of idleness. The scenery is as exciting as our mind wants it to be. The dimmed skylight is hardly making a case for an Instagram worthy picture.
Not that I have an answer to the pointlessness that our lives are. Yet. Yes, our tiniest of efforts contribute to an objective that we don’t individually value and maybe that has a purpose. The purpose of our existence.
But, on an individual level, the absence of a purpose is a wordless description of nothingness. You don’t seem to care if the race you’re part of is getting kickstarted, or the goalposts keep getting shifted, or that you find yourself in multiple races with an eventuality of you never reaching the finish line. When that realisation becomes clear, this pointlessness becomes real heavy.
Hence, a moment like this evening, of being able to watch, sit and breathe with a sense of contentment, keeps your sanity intact. A moment is all it takes to bring you back. Back to hope.

Listen through the noise

It’s never easy to listen amongst the noise. The noise of existence around you. The blaring horns of words that demand an answer. Their need and your obligation. You oblige. That’s how the world survives and with it, you do as well.

What I mean is to really listen. Not to hear the formation of words in a syntax. To listen to it from your eyes. Eyes that bloom away stories out of the air, shouting for the world to hear them, but only you listen. It is then that you listen to, by keeping your breath flawlessly still. Your throat dries up in anticipation for more of it.

You’re thirsty now. You always were. The realization simmers down your mind, deviating you, and you bring it back. To listen to it again. Is this real?

You take a moment to answer it. A moment all it lasts. And.

And the noise gathers around and your question continues to hang in the balance. The eyes get back to see. The ears gather the sounds. You can feel a sighing breath passing by. All it took a moment for you to doubt. A moment for it all to vanish. Ever suspected this to be that moment? No one does.

Now you want to listen. You knock on the doors. The wrong doors, to listen. All you get is the noise. You console yourself about that lost moment. A hesitant moments’ flick of fingers. Gone.

Was that real? Or this is?


ट्राली धकेलते हुए प्लेटफार्म नंबर 4 पर आ खड़े हुए आज भोरे भोर। ट्रैन आने वाली थी 7 बजे और अभी कुछ 10 मिनट बचे भी हुए थे कि हम सोचे कि थोड़ा खड़े ही रहते हैं, ठंड में सीमेंट वाली सीट में बैठना मुनासिब नही। ठंड उतनी ज़्यादा तो नही पर थी ज़रूर। अभी ही भाई छोड़के गया था टेशन बाहर।

सामने खड़ा RPF वाला धूप सेंक रहा था बंदूक ताने। हमारे पास भी हल्की धूप टच कर ही रही थी। हम दोनों शालीमार एक्सप्रेस का वेट कर रहे थे। साथ में काफी और भी पैसेंजर वेट कर रहे थे। ट्रैन आते आते और लेट होरही थी, लोग भी साथ मे विचलित।

दांत में सुबह सुबह खाया हुआ गाजर का हलवा अब भी फ्रेश था।हमरे लिए बना था तो खत्म करके ही निकलने को कहा अम्मी ने। मना कौन करता है।

लोगों के सामान और लगेज देखके छुट्टियां खत्म होने का अंदेशा साफ दिखता है। चेहरा थोडा कुछ न भी बोले भी तो लगेज बता ही देता है: वेकेशन ओवर!

सामने वाला RPF भी लोगों को ताक रहा था हमरी तरह। ड्यूटी उसकी शुरू हो चुकी थी, हमारी शुरू होने वाली है अगले दिन। ड्यूटी समान तो नही, काम मे आराम ही कह लीजिए। काम से कौन घबराता है भला। अब तो आदत जो होगयी है। हम ‘बड़े’ जो होगये हैं। कामना तो सोसाइटल नॉर्म है, सक्सेसफुल कहलाने के लिए।

ट्रैन हॉर्न देते हुए प्लेटफार्म पे घुसी चलो आरही थी और हम सोच रहे थे CTC में घर से दूर रहने का भी कॉम्पोनेन्ट होना ही चाहिए। फिर अपनी बोगी की तरफ दौड़ते हुए सोचा, ‘पैसा कबसे पूरा करेगा घर से बाहर रहके नौकरी करने का मुआफ़ज़ा?’

Letting your Youtube playlist play

Do you also just let your YouTube playlist do it’s own thing by queuing songs on it’s own ?

I do, too. 

But most of the time it’s either because it plays in one of the chrome tabs while I’m on an Excel sheet sorting/arranging some data. 

Tonight (I, of course, mean the night before) after dinner I thought of writing a post and while staring at the blank Ms-Word screen. Blink. Blink. 

Youtube, by default, becomes your TV when you don’t have one! And thank God! Otherwise, watching those awful news channels would make me rant everyday about things that I’m really trying not to get worked up about. Seriously! 

There used to be a time when my Grandfather used to tell us ‘Watch News’! Watching news was considered an intellectual indulgence and a value addition to your GK! I hope today’s grandfather’s don’t say that to their kids. Else, God save us! 

Beherhaal, YouTube popped up a favorite ‘Jaane would kaise log the’ which occasionally ends up on loop. But is something that I’ve not listened to, in a while. Click. Play. 

I get back to the blank screen. Still Blinking. 

Aargh! I wonder what’s with the whole, ‘What should I write?’ thought. Getting stuck is awful. Irritating. Questions loop in an echo. Answer? Ha ha ha! 

‘Ye Jo Des hai mera’ 

Listening to the song only takes me to that scene where Mohan Bhargav buys a kulhad of water from that boy in the station. That moment freezes in front, even when I’m not looking at the video. If I look at it, I’ll feel like watching the movie again. And it’s already past midnight. It’s the other day. 

‘Kyun’ from Barfi

‘Aazadiyan’ from Udaan

‘Tu bin bataye’ from Rang De Basanti

‘Kitni baaten’ from Lakshya

And they all play one after the other. The ads play in between because well, YouTube is the new TV. Right?

Coke Studio Season 9. Woah, I need to switch. ‘Tera Would Pyaar’. What’s the point of starting at a blank screen, anyway! And well, Momina Mustehsan. Do I have to give a reason? 

Nawazishen Karam. Indeed. Fits perfectly. Now, I can sleep. 

ठंड के वो दिन

आज बैठा था धूप तापते हुए बालकनी में। हवा साथ मे चल रही थी तो धूप की तपिश का वो मज़ा नही मिल पा रहा था। मैंने अपनी नीलकमल थोड़ी खिसकाई और आगे की तरफ बढ़ा। पर हाल फिरभी वही था। 

यूँ तो मैं सर्दियों का फैन नही हूँ। वैसे देखा जाए तो गर्मी या बारिश के extreme नेचर का भी फैन नही। हर चीज़ में मॉडरेशन पसंद कुछ ज़्यादा है हमें। लोग आजकल लिबरल भी कह डालते हैं। कुछ विषयो पे एक्सट्रेमिस्ट भी कह चुके हैं। अब लोग तो लोग ही हैं, काम हैं उनका कहना। 

खैर, अभी बस ठंड की बात करते हैं। आज घर वाली सर्दी को miss कर रहा था। धूप में भी स्वेटर पेहेनके बैठना , घंटों तक, कॉमिक बुक हाथ मे लिए। फिर जब वक़्त हुआ तो , खेलते रहना बिना थके। उस दौरान हुम बड़े चाव से टेस्ट क्रिकेट भी खेला करते थे। हालांकि में कुछ खास नही खेलता था पर उत्साह हमेशा ज़ोरो पर रहता था। आलम तो कुछ ऐसा हुआ करता था कि हम रमज़ान के महीने में भी घंटों खेल लिया करते थे। क्रेजी कह लीजिए। फज्र की नमाज़ के लिए न निकले पर बैट धरके सबको जागाते हुए गांधी मैदान में दिख ज़रूर जाते थे।

गरम पानी के इलावा कुछ चूना कहर हो मानो। लकड़ी के चूल्हे पे बारी बारो पानी गर्म हो चलता और नहाने की बारी लागतो। थोड़ा टालते पर कुछ डांट सुनते गुसलखाने की जानिब चल ही देते। नहाके सीधे दौड़ते हुए धूप में। ठिठुरते हुए। 

इस मौसम में बैर काफी मिलते थे। कभी कदर हम पास के एक कंपाउंड को फांदके बैर भी चुराया करते थे। और ये भी न किया कभी तो कमसेकम घर मे बुयाम में हल्दी लगाके रखे बैरों का चुपके सेवन तो ज़रूर किया है। 

रातों को बड़े की निहारी सुर सुर करके खाना तो याद है ही और साथ मे मोहल्ले के चौराहे पर अंडे के कूट से हाथ सेकना भी। फिर अम्मी के चिल्लाने पर घर आते ही रज़ाई में दुबक के दादी के साथ सोना, ताकि अब्बू डांटे नही। 

वो थे ठंड के दिन। और आज यहां पंखे की स्पीड को ताकते नींद को बुलाने की कोशिश जारी है। 

नींद से याद आया, कल मंडे है। 

कोई कह रहा है, ‘आज कहिये जनाब’।

A few beparwah Thoughts

Looking up, while a song plays, the zig-zags of the birds make tiny shadows on the blue afternoon sky. I had never seen those shadows, before. Probably did, but never thought of it, unlike today. Maybe it’s this song. 

Paper planes we drifted off in an era gone by. Only this time they continued the spiral for a wee bit longer, as these birds fly themselves. The open door gave me a big window to view their flight.


“Beparwah.. rang ka jaaya..

Chitt laage ne.. main uktaaya..

Haal bayaan ho na haal bayaan..

Hona fakat hai fanaa..”

 While the song continued to play on. I put on a big smile. Involuntary. The song and the birds. The directionless joy complementing the lyrics. Describing the essence of exactly that very moment.

“Ranj ke sadqe ho gayi jaan

Dhadkan jaise dhuaan…

Naa.. labeya kuch

Na hal paaya..

Naaaa hai pata.. manzar na disha… “

Few things cannot be put in words. Not only emotions but viewpoints like these. While I reminisce the afternoons where I had nothing to do. The winter afternoons. Soaking in the sun. Waiting for the clock to strike a certain time to run past the gates to play. The anticipation of doing something. Waiting for the green light.

Today, there isn’t any. Just stares. Stares out of this door, into the abyss formed in my imaginary viewing pod.

“Pyaar hai dheh sa gaya..

Hai kadar kahan..

Mann hai yaadon a ek majmaa”

Retrieving the good memories and keeping the rest closed somewhere. The assembly of thoughts are being selective for their own selfish reasons. Apt. Nothing wrong in that.

“Na hai aata

Manzar na dishaa

Khaak hua hai kadar kahan”


The birds drift out of the view. Still in the sky, just out of my view. Out in someone else’s reveries. I continue to watch out for them, while the Blue sky remains the blank canvas of thoughts. Waiting!

Shifting Focus

The pendulum-like shift in (and out) focus is quite a necessity. A bare minimum to find the stale happiness lying around in smaller packets. Lost among the bigger ones, we’re always after. 

I used to despise, still occasionally do, the non-focussed approach of doing things. So, what changed? 
For starters, a little disconnect helps pull you back from over to exerting yourself towards a well-defined end. Out of your sight but a clear picture of an after-achievement glow already painted in your damn head. The conversations already toing-froing like a tennis match making the heads move with the ball. 

But then a disappointment follows. The set breaks. The conversations vanquished out in the real world, like their existence was nothing but a conspiracy theory. The agony Aunt refuses to leave the guest room. 

Lack of focus helps shift your balance with your multi-tasking abilities (if any). It’s akin to not putting your eggs in one big basket. 

It’d suck to see even one break. But would be better to see them all go splashing down creating a modern art. 

The purists and the passionate ones would say, it’s worth it. But nothing’s worth your calm state. Finding ways to be content is (and should be) a priority. 

Sometimes, more than a Sprint, a jog would help. And sometime just a walk. Or maybe just stopping to see how far you’ve already come, appreciate that, and just chill. 

Let the goals be out of focus for a while. Just a while, and then maybe you can zoom ahead. 

Looking at 2017: The Year in Review

I started last year by forcing myself to write everyday. Remember? 

And I did stick to the resolution (more or less) for close to a little over 100 days. Finding time to write and penning down thoughts before hitting the bed, everyday, wasn’t easy. But I did. Good or bad writing, that wasn’t the goal. Writing regularly was, which was partially acheived. 

I travelled. Could have done more if the CLs and ELs were more generous. In my next job, the number of holidays will definitely be the biggest criteria. But of course, there’s time for that. It was a hectic work-year in catching up with lead targets but extremely helpful in learning. That’s the only goal for the first 5 year. A little over a year-and-a-half left to evaluate the ‘T-Marketer’ roadmap. 

My target was to complete 12 books this year at a strike rate of 1 every month. But, of course, I only started on that in the later part of the year. However, did manage to read 11 (and a few half-read ones). A long pending list awaits in my Amazon Cart.  

Tried my best to learn more of Kannada but haven’t been able to go beyond the greetings. Watched a few more of the regional movies to get a hang of the mannerisms but attempts to understand meet roadblocks unless it includes a few English words. A man’s gotta try, anyway. 

Made a few good friends. The existing ones stood by. Got in touch with old ones too. 

Was more honest than before. Was less mean to others and made conscious efforts to be nicer. 


Had plans for more cycling trips but couldn’t. Got lazier than the year before but hoping this year would be different. At least, I’ll try to. 

Plan was also to be more self-focussed (self-obsessed actually). Tried my best to take a fair share of extra selfies to prove just that. And yes, indulgences in other selfish pleasures. This helps keep one sane. 

Of the things I did (or didn’t), the biggest lesson learnt was to find avenues of being content. To be grateful for what you have and find happiness in the little indulgences. It can be the food you eat, the place you travel, the movie you watch or the person you meet. There is no BIG moment that can give you that, always. Sure, they’d be a few. But you cannot anticipate the big ones and let go the smaller ones. Indulging yourself in every possible activity helps in not straying around aimlessly. 

The year 2017 was good. And even the stupid things that happened doesn’t pop outta my Head when I look back, so I’m assuming it was all good. 

Here’s to an even better year! Cheers, folks. Be Awesome (for yourself). 

Chasing Sleep

Minutes pass by as his tired eyes try gauging the freckles of light from outside the window, while the dark gloom of the room literally overshadows it all. 

The undecided state of mind and the vacancy of a description to it, seeks out multiple answers. The effect of just one, isn’t realistic. The impracticality just doesn’t fit. Even in this dark time. 

The invite from sleep is placed just right over there at the pillow. Visible even in the dark. But who takes up easy offers. The one for the taking. Not him. 

Conflict is interesting. In the head: fighting. Fighting to inch towards the pillow and the dreams on display. Not buy but earn it. Accomplish it to end your day on a high. A tired high seems like a consolation. 

‘Ill take it!’ he is affirmative on this. 

The after-sleep is enticing. Uncertain but with possibilities. Open doorways to illogical happenings. Enticing? Un-empty? Non-scary?

Hesitant he, just argues for the gloom; romanticizing the scared reality without a leash on it. Dragging in the empty air with a slow whiff out as his ribs aches. 

As his head drops down to accept the invite, he lived to fight another night. Chasing Sleep was, after all, a ritual. 

A Weekend Evening

The unplanned weekend has a calming character. Nothingness means something. The pleasant Bengaluru weather and the beautiful sky adds to the mood. Shuffling between the pages of a book to writing down a few lines for the blog, it’s a wonderful headspace to be in. 

When the door open to a world familiar and yet open to lend itself to you; to show you something new. The invitation is open for all and yet a few show up. Few chose to accept the invite. 

Is this an exclusive or just a consolation? Open for interpretation. 

What’s new in the chirping of the birds or in the piegions finding a corner for themselves? 

The fluttering of the leaves or the kids playing hide & seek?

The weekly ritual of washed clothes clipped on plastic ropes waving in clean joy or the family leaving for their weekend-outing.

The mundane isn’t interesting. And one’s interesting can be another’s mundane. 

The slightly chilly wind is comforting along with the warm embrace of this mug of coffee. 

A perspective is just about walking a few extra steps to check from the other side. 

There’s always something new to explore if you really want to. Like re-reading a book and wondering how you never got that before. Stories, characters and plots, all right here to observe and get entertained. 

A sunset here can be a sunrise somewhere else. 

It’s all about looking at the possibilities irrespective of their bleak sounding nature. Realism is always great. But not without some optimism. 

What are you doing this weekend?

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