Tag: women

Let’s stop blaming

On January 7, 2017

I’ve been trying to articulate a lot of things over the last week to say something about what happened in Bangalore on New Year’s Eve. And no matter how hard I tried, the words were just not coming out right. There’s nothing I could add that hasn’t been said before. I wrote this piece 4 years back (Read here: https://reveringthoughts.com/2013/01/05/story-of-india-apples-and-oranges/) and I guess I’ll be writing similar things decades later as well.

Irrespective of how guilty we might feel on what happened that night or countless other nights or even during daytime. There doesn’t seem to be one solution for this. Unless you are someone who can blame women for wearing or not wearing a particular type of clothes or blaming the police for “not doing their job” or It is because of “outsiders,” there doesn’t seem to be a practical solution to it all.

People sharing or debating, #NotAllMen or #AllMen are stupid. If no one else told you about it, then here I am shouting, You are effing stupid.

The problem lies in our Men. The problem lies in our Women. The problem lies in our Movies. The Problem lies in our Books. And how all of these varied sets of elements shape our psychology, where the actual problem lies.

If you’re wondering Why, and you think just one of the above can is to be blamed, then the problem lies there as well.

Yes, I’ll tell you why.

Let me explain.

1. Lack of Sex education:

In a country obsessed with marriages and the excellent ideas of marriage and producing babies and showing them off as “Achievement” in daily report cards, surprisingly sex education is a No-No. Leave aside politicians, who are “preserving culture,” even when we are the land of Kamasutra, and our temples have imagery to educate people of this. [khajurao, Konark being the prominent examples]. As parents, how many have talked about it with their teenage kids? Is it okay to let your kids get all sorts of stupid ideas about sex from strangers or their peers, who are as confused as them?!

Talk to them! Yes, it’s going to be awkward. But find a way!

2. The fear of the Unknown:

Menstruation. Sanitary pads. Condoms.

Yes, I know you cannot say those words out loud. It’s a taboo.

Stop it from being a taboo. Don’t fear to speak about these. We are in 2017, for God’s sake! Make it the new normal!

3. Women, stand for each other!

No, I’m not telling you to be Feminazi!

Stop judging each other! Yes, men are dogs, but can you stop being bitchy about each other?!

Only If I had a penny every time a girl called the other a “slut” for the dress or “Fat” as of it is derogatory!

If you define each other with that, what do you expect men who already have a “superior sense of being” from the time the universe was formed, to do?

4. Men, Call out your Asshole friends

Yes. We all have those “friends.”

I know we all have online stalked someone, at some point, or even stood out there outside to catch a glimpse of our crushes. We’ve also tried to talk to or become “friends” with them to move things forward. We can all blame it on movies in the 80s and 90s or the countless “examples,” we’ve seen in front of us, but we’ve done it on some levels. We all can change for the better, right ?!

We also know of people who have crossed lines when doing this and it’s high time we tell them. If we are those people, we should say to ourselves.

Let’s not think it’ll be “Uncool” and just call out that shit. Shall we?

5. Dear Women, learn to say, NO clearly!

Dear women, men find you attractive. They are going to approach you, talk to you, ask you for a date or maybe “for dinner or coffee or a movie.” Don’t make stupid excuses, just say NO! Don’t assume it’ll hurt them or you’ll appear rude or anything, just politely say No, if you don’t want to go. Sure, you’d want some of them to be your friends, but as soon as you sense something else, just cut them off. Yes, be rude.

6. And Dear Men, learn to “Back off”!

Men, just have a little self-respect. Will you ?!

Sure, I’m not trying to be preachy and ranting all this to prove that I’ve not done anything wrong. All of this applies to me as well. I’m sure, even I, along with the entire men folk, ogle at women at some point. And please, let’s just not blame the men for doing that, a “shirtless-Salman Khan” isn’t yesterday’s product! We’ve fancied the scantily clad “sexiness” in a lot of item numbers and a lot of other things under the hood. But let’s not try shifting blame onto politicians, films, Men and most probably not on Women and learn to realize our mistakes and improve on them. It’s a new year, after all!

Beautiful people- Babita kumari

By farooq

On February 8, 2013

In Others

Beautiful people- Babita kumari

The world was thrown apart for this young girl when she was in class 5. Her father, Late Jagdish Yadav, died, leaving her and two younger brothers in her mother’s arm.

This is another story from the series of Beautiful People that I met in Jamshedpur.

This story is about Babita Kumari. A girl who is trying to make a difference to her life through her courage and zeal to achieve something even with disability.

Her father’s death resulted in her leaving studies for one whole year. But it was due to her uncle’s help, she was able to resume her studies. But, in order to make her study and feed the family, her brothers had to leave their studies and start working. It was important that someone supported the family of these orphans. Babita’s studies weer possible due to the efforts and support from uncle and then brothers.

She is currently continuing her studies and is currently doing B.A (Part-2) in Zoology hons, when this post was being written.

Over the years, she had also started to support her own studies and even help her family, whatever little she could. She not only wanted to study but also help others like her progress.

She was associated with Nav Bharat Jagriti Kendra, which is a project for disabled. She worked there for 3 years and they also funded her studies through the same. She was also was associated with another platform for disabled, where she worked as office assistant. Through her associations, she also ensured many disabled people register themselves to get a disability certificate. This ensures they get benefits out of government schemes, pensions, wheel-chairs, etc.

Joining Jharkhand Viklang Manch(JVM) was a step in the same direction and she continued her efforts in terms of helping the disabled. JVM gave her a voice to be active in not just in nearby places but outside of it as well. Her life as a person with disability has gone through troubled waters many a times, and yet she has rose through the struggle becoming stronger through it. If losing her father at a young age was a setback, trying to continue her studies was difficult too. It is with determination she was able to push towards achieving something.

With an opportunity to learn computer education in Jamshedpur at Indo-Danish Tool Room (IDTR), she left her ongoing computer course and joined here, as this seemed a better prospect. She wants to be a computer literate and get a job. She says, computer education is going to change her life and she is trying her best to learn it. With support from teachers and fellow students, she expects herself to reach new heights.

This is one of the many stories in a series of Inspiring ones about Beautiful people fighting hard even with Disabilities. Supporting them should be our priority and helping them in whichever way we can, will definitely aid them.

Do share this story of courage.

Story of India- Apples and Oranges

By farooq

On January 5, 2013

In Politics & Social Issues

Blazing the chilling winds, on three wheels, our auto-rickshaw was passing along one of the busy streets of Jamshedpur. The auto, which was already full with around 6 passengers along with the driver, stopped midway noticing a girl who was looking for an auto. The girl first looked in, and then with a little hesitation said, NO!!!

I happened to sit just beside the auto-driver. He said, “Sharm aati hai yaar.. From the last week or so, if even 2-3 guys are there in my auto, no women seems to be getting in”.

One other day, while travelling in an empty auto-rickshaw, well almost, with just the driver and his conductor-friend (yes, they have conductors too here). With nothing much to do, I had to listen to their convo.

Driver- You know what, it’s the mistake of women as due to that they get to suffer in the hands of these horny-bastards.

Conductor- kaahe be ??

(even I wanted to ask!!!!)

Driver- You see, if I am running after a girl or even teasing him, which I’m not. But hypothetically, if I do.

Conductor- abbey bol na..kaahe ghuma raha hai..

Driver- If, I am doing any of these things like eve-teasing or even making remarks on her, and the girl turns up and gives me a tight slap, neither me nor anyone who sees that would ever think of doing that. It’s just because girls ignore small things that other guys do, they take it so lightly. As if it’s just okay and they can get away with it.

Conductor- haan be. Sahi bola.. du go lagao, sasura line pe ajaega..

Driver- Uhi to hum bhi bol raahe hain be.. ee jo laundiya log chod deti hai na.. ki log kaa bolega, usise poroblm hota hai…

Neither did I interfered in their conversation, nor did I am making any stand on this issue of what they said.

Because, I am clueless and it’s difficult to conclude as to what is right and what is wrong. More than being clueless, I’m shocked and guilty.

It was not the fault of just some people that girls like damini are raped, it is the society that I am part of is responsible too. The guilt is for numerous little reasons, but even though no matter how little they are does contribute a lot to the attitude of the society that we live in.

They are now talking about, Honey Singh’s songs, female clothing, Bharat vs. India, Denting-Painting, etc. Well, do you think if a rape has to happen, those sick bastards will see what kind of clothes the girl is wearing?? Or that only in the “Urban India” that rapes occur and the “Rural Bharat” is just away from it’s dark shadows?? Or that Honey singh’s songs are so powerful enough to change people’s attitude? If it is so, then tell him to write anti-corruption songs. The thing is whatever happens in the society is just a reflection of what we are. He is actually mirroring that mindset.

The male dominated and superiority complexed people that dominate our society are the reason for this attitude, which has been there for ages and has only manifolded itself. The only change that our society has witnessed is that the females have tried to fit into this society with the hope of getting rid of this mindset and matching shoulder-to-shoulder.

But, sadly, they don’t realize that the insecure male does not want that to happen. Sharing the dais of superiority is another thing, they don’t even want them to come closer to it, just let them be the audience. Forget about protecting them and taking them to a pedestal so that they can walk along, they just don’t consider them even worthy for competition. Sometime, they just term this competition as something like apples and oranges. Sometimes, reason their success to the sympathetic attitude with which superiors end up treating them. Sometimes, this and sometimes that, but they just won’t accept that it’s not about apples and oranges.

The whole problem revolves around that societal attitude of seeing them as apples and oranges. And until and unless that changes, nothing substantial can happen. No matter how “terrible, sad, devastated” we feel after every incident of a female’s modesty getting tarnished, unless this mindset gives way to a more broad mindedness in terms of accepting that women are not inferior than us, nothing can be changed.

Mid-way through my SUPA (Socially useful and productive work), I interviewed some disabled students undergoing training at Indo-Danish Training Tool here at Jamshedpur. I started off with some guys after getting permission from one of their teachers, but when it came to the girls, I had to ask one person after another and finally after some 2 hours of bureaucratic shifts, I got the green signal.

Later came to know, that after various incidents all across India, security of girls has been their prime focus and they have become “extra conscious”. While talking to these ladies, who happen to be disabled, I was amazed. Amazed as to how, even with all the added struggles apart from them being physically handicapped, they have continued to learn and prosper in whatever they are doing. Neither, financial difficulties or societal inputs on their disability, stopped them from achieving what they strived for. These are women with disability and yet looking at their determination, it added a little light on my dying optimism.

If this added fuel to my fire of optimism, the regular talks at every small adda’s I’ve been part of. Guys, who were seen passing remarks on girls at every possible moment, talk about how they were wrong in doing that. Their guilt does get reflected, and so does their anger. A talk on figure of a girl has given way for what needs to be done by the government.

If this is change, I’m glad to be a part of it.