The best part between us has been not talking about our daily grind. There’s no “How was your day?”, “You had your dinner?”” what’s new?” and a similar barrage of redundant questions with rebounds that even people part of the conversation knows is just to push the conversation forward. Yet, at least one of them would keep bringing that up.
For us, me and her, it is not that now. Yes, it’s been Her and Me.
Not that we have a series of other conversational topics that keep us occupied, but something that pushes beyond the mundane outflow of words. There is a sense of tranquility lingering on the onset of these little exchanges. There is an essence of satisfaction to be heard. Being heard by her. Listening to her silence in return for my blabber through trying hard not to sound like an idiot. Not at least this second time.
I get this vibe from her like she already knows about this idiotic me and suppresses this idea. She lets me stay where I am instead of allowing me to scale up the ladder to venture into idiotic territory. Or is there a flicker of hope down the road she wants me to travel and find for myself? Travel along with her.
Building castles in the air. Stressing myself about the unknown. Portraying me as either an Optimistic would be far-fetched, but tagging me as pessimistic would also be an understatement, which even an idiot like me understands.
It is indeed difficult to understand her, not that I haven’t tried. Tried for Days, tried for months, and even for a Year, but couldn’t. Just couldn’t. Not her, nor anything from her. I have only known about the push I gave myself to try and try harder. Again and again. Only to return empty-handed on each occasion.
But now, it has come down to a different level, a level where I stop myself from trying anything. I’m at a place where I contain my urge to dive deep into those eyes and gather a glimmer of hope beaming out to be reflected on a future where I can be a part of it.
I don’t want to think now. Neither to try nor to look at the prospects of a build-up to what I have now. I just want this, whatever this is, to continue. No changes. A wish, from deep down, to let this connection fester on. I intend to savor this moment and bind them as possessions.
It isn’t love. It isn’t any infatuation, either. It’s something that I don’t understand but makes me hopeful. A hopeful idiot.
As narrated by the Idiot, with minimum exaggerations and enhanced expressions.
Danish
Nice 🙂
Would be unfair for me to comment much on your musing except on 2 lines –
“It is indeed difficult to understand her, not that I have never tried…”
You might rather try unraveling all the mysteries of universe…lot more chance of you succeeding 😛
“It isn’t love, it isn’t any infatuation either, and it’s something which I don’t understand”
That’s quite poetic, romantic but hope you don’t take it literally 😉
Mohammad Farooq
Haha 🙂 Well, you cannot escape without trying, and of course success in this sphere has never been achieved ever, neither will be.
And I’m a confused soul, understanding complex things like these is quite tough, but yes, don’t believe in the exaggerated version of it all, but for the sake of writing you’ve got to be a lil poetic.