Author: farooq Page 16 of 45

Have you ever sat with anyone where you’re supposed to make small talk but you just don’t have anything to make it happen ? I’m sure each of us have been in a boat which seems to be headed nowhere.

Fiddling through my phone, when my ammi and sis decided to leave me and abbu for some impromtu shopping, I was caught again in a situation for the umpteenth time. And better for company than my Abbu, who is a level-up when it comes to “keeping it quiet”.

But he played smart. He dozed off.

And I only feel sleepy when I had to study something. On hindsight, I should have tried this today.

But anyways, after a barrage of questions about “work” and the favorite Bangalore Traffic, there wasn’t much to even think of talking about.

Earlier I at least used to feel bad about this. Now, I’m Chill.

I took my phone and started looking at the news headlines, getting amused and confounded about the happenings of the world, how Trump gave his first press conference and did it in the most trumpesque manner, how THAT video is trending and got that many views on Youtube, Why people still tag me in their DPs on facebook and a lot of world problems was discussed in my head.

I looked up and saw the uncle with whom I have been sitting for close to 20 minutes (but it felt like 20 hours, I swear) and noticed he seemed to be lost in his phone as well.

And then we both smiled at each other and went back to our phones.

I’ve never went overboard with anything in my life. For some reason my approach towards most things in life has been to create a balance.

It might sound like it’s a good thing, Right?

Truth being told, it isn’t always so.

For starters, there’s always a reality check looming for every decision I take. On pressing the “start” button, the entire flowchart of how it might end flashes in my head. It’s like when I go, “I want to do this”, “If you do this, A/B or C might happen. Are you Sure?”

Not that I stop doing things but the scenario A B C keep accompanying me with their version of how the end would be. 

This does help on several occasions. I’m saved from taking stupid life decisions. And to think that I’ve taken so many even then, deserves a praise.

I remember one of my teacher, when I was in 6th grade, remarked how I already have the forehead wrinkles. Her explanation was that I must be “overthinking”. I didn’t believe her then. Kids.

I’ve over-complicated simple things in life because of these “Ye kiya to wo hojaega”. 

At this point in life, I cannot let go of this, irrespective of my resolute efforts.

If I could learn to take things lightly, I’d love to.

Wouldn’t it be great to, as they say, take a chill pill? 

As I was walking with Abbu after dinner in the nearby street, our talk drifted towards his friends. Back home, I remember there were a few pictures of a big group of people, from his time working in Saudi. I asked him whether he was in touch with any of those and he said No. With no phones back-in-the day and of course no-facebook, how can one keep in touch ? Especially when the group comprised of people from Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Lebanon, Pakistan and hardly anyone from around the area. And this was much before he was married.

It wasn’t surprising though. Although I’d love to meet his friends from that time.

I do wonder if perhaps our lives will follow the same trajectory or not.

While a few stick around, others slowly start fading away. Out of sight, out of mind. Even with just a Quarter of a century of existence, I can count a list full of people who used to be friends and whom I haven’t met, talked to, or even thought about! I’m sure it will be same for many of you.

Facebook definitely helps in connecting you with people and helps you keep updated with “what’s happening” in others’ life.

While scrolling through Timelines, “Ohh iski shaadi hogayi?” “Arey iski shadi kab hui?” “Ye to uske saath.. ?” “Ye Dubai chala gaya?” and can imagine people saying, “Kuch bhi likhte rehta hai ye” on seeing me on their timelines.

I remember religiously calling friends from a PCO while keeping an eye on the Meter!

Sometimes it is, “..will call aaram se na…” or “Yaar I cannot be the only one calling” and other similar excuses we give in our heads.

The idea that we’d end up not talking with people who meant the world at some point in our lives or still do, used to look unreal back in the days.

And so this time when my father spoke about it, very passively, and made it look so normal, it didn’t surprised me even a bit.

Fundamentally, most stories are similar in parts. The elements it comprises of are essentially cross similar paths in their entirety.

It is because of this reason that we can relate to atleast one or a few of those characters, their expedition from origin to completion or if not anything else, their emotions. In case we don’t see ourselves, we aspire to be one of them or even picture others we know.

All of this is from the viewer slash listener point-of-view.

When we venture to the other side. The back-end. Situation is the same. The characters are crafted upon the inspiration presented by the real life. Or the value system that aspires to be those characters. Sometimes even shades which are darker. The paint-brush is still back-stage, after all.

But not every story resonates. On occasions it does but isn’t accepted. The artists’ effort lies in making an story that he envisions into THE story. The nuances added to this transformation and how the image is conjured up, defines the story.

Everyone has a story. To the right audience, every story is interesting. But a story only becomes the story, when it can promulgate across audience sets, and still understood.

Jumma is the only day we get to listen to the takreer from the Imaam. I prefer the talk to be generic because more often they get diverted into sect-wise differentiation of Sunni-Wahabi. Something which should not be our priority, IMO.

As I was walking towards the mosque post a hurried lunch, I could hear him speak about paying gratitude. Gratitude to anyone who has ever helped us. Small or big. And as far as the world is concerned, who is more deserving of this gratitude than our Parents ?

From numerous incidences from hadees, he was trying to make us aware of how essential it is to pay our gratitude to them.

Modernity pushes us to think on the lines of “My life, My decisions” while trying to create a separate life from the ones who actually gave birth to us.

Now, how should we pay them back? Of course, no amount of worldly experiences can guarantee a repayment.

The Imaam had a solution in place as well by rhetorically asking a question and then answering it. (He has the mike, after all). How do we truly repay a debt ?” Apart from the actual we took from them, we remember their help. In our head, we are always willing to remember their contribution till ages. And hence, keeping just this in our heads, on what our parents have done for us, we’ll always be grateful to them and it’ll show in our actions.

It’s not like we don’t value their contributions and go on length to describe it. I’m even writing this post here! But questions on whether my actions have never hurt them or never will, still bounce around my head. How often have I made them unhappy ? Or I’m going to with each passing day ? Leave aside the ones we unknowingly make them go through with us, there are so many things we know are wrong and still do and call ourselves, Adults!

So, I’m late in posting today! Not that any of you were waiting for the post to be live.

But since I’m already late and probably don’t have any specific topic to be late, why don’t I just talk about being late ?

I’m always late when going to office. And this, when in the two years of our b-school, we were made to learn, “how to be on-time”! Class starts at 9 ? No entry if it’s 9:01! Yep, that was our college.

Not that I have anything against the college because of THIS!

I remember my first Appraisal with my boss. Of all the good things she said on my work, the one “but” at the end was “how I was always late”.

Not much changed since I switched jobs and the pattern continues.

I would like to clarify that I’m not always late and do make efforts to be on-time. But then, there are just so man TV shows to watch!

I’ve been lucky enough to have bosses who get it that “some people are like that” and even though it frustrates them a little, don’t take it out on me.

And probably, unlike a lot of others, I’ve not hated both my jobs because of this reason. The flexibility.

Of course, if there’s a meeting, I do ensure I’m there. [Disclaimer: Daily Scrum Meetings are not part of this]

But being-late is not limited to work only. I have reached train stations when the train has just left the station and airports minutes before they might not allow me to board. If I’m at home, Ammi or Badi Ammi scold me enough that I reach beforehand, otherwise, the story is more or less the same.

Must admit, on occasions when I’m on time, or way before time, it is really frustrating. I just hate waiting. If I have to meet a friend, and I reach the spot before him, I end up calling them every 5 minute with varying tones of irritation.

I do love the idea of being on time, living a disciplined life, eating the right food but they just don’t seem to last long.

Things have always come to me “on their own time”. Even when I wished for something, it took its own sweet time. Over time, it has become easier to understand that things will happen when they have to. On their own time. One cannot always race against it.

Ideally, I’d love to live this life on my own time. Alas! The world, disagrees.