Running away from the shadows of the past..
driving down the hill onto uncertainty, I move along..
Building castles on the hazy air around..
Crafting the new life from the fossils left behind, I move along..
Cutting out the broken parts…
Shedding down the dead leaves, I move along..
As the reality dawns with the growing dark night..
and the picture becomes clear, I move along…
A big yawn to signal and a tired body to confirm the same…
But, Boy!! I can’t sleep.
The mental agony or the physical pain..
The strange voices in my head…
All telling me to sleep..
But, Boy!! I can’t sleep.
The night is dark before the dawn..
Now, even the days look dim to me..
Shutting the drapes on the nights was easy..
When fear of waking up to the light was away..
The silence shouts from all corners of the darkness..
And the clock ticks its’ way towards the dawn..
But, Boy!! I can’t sleep.
Ek kahaani bachpan ki
Nange panv khelte khelte koi keel ghuns gayi uske pair me, thoda chubha aur wo zor se chilla baitha. Saath me uske saathi achanak se uski taraf aa khade hue. Keel lambi si hi. Aur bechare Kaleem ka chehra chota sa, upar se uska zor zor se rona. Kaafi vichar-vimarsh ke baad, Raju ne keel nikaal dene ki thaani. Usi beech koi bheed me “tetnus” ke kayi suyian lagne ki bhi baat kar raha tha. To koi Kaleem ke chappal na pehenne ko lekar kuch keh raha tha.
Raju ne jaise hi kaleem ka pair apne haathon me liya, wo aur zor se chillane laga. “Ammi ammi” jaisi koi aawaz nikal rahi thi uski mukh se. Kafi parishram ke upraant, ek jhatke se raju ne surkh ho chuki wo lambi keel nikaal daali. Saath hi me maano khoon ka baandh bhi khul sa gaya ho jaise. Apne jeb se raju ne rumaal nikaala aur baand daala uske pair pe.
Ghar wapas pahunchne par, ammi ki thodi daant aur fir doctor saahab ke paas dher saari suiyon ki thodi aur takleef uthate hue Kareem ka kuch dinon ka aaram shuru hua.
Saalon baad kaleem chal pada tha kisi bade shaher me padhai karne. Naya shahar, naye dost aur saath nayi koi zindagi. Chuttiyon me raju aur baaki gaanv ke doston se mulakaat zaroor hoti, par dheere dheere chuttiyan bhi kam hogayi, aur milna bhi. Ab kaleem bina chappal ke to door, jooton aur gaadiyon ke ilava zameen me pair hi nahi rakhta tha.
Yun to kaleem ne raju ke prati koi khaas bartaav me tabdeeli na kit hi, par fir bhi ab baa two pehle jaisi na thi. Kabhi dekha to “hi, hello” zaroor hota, par kabhi use zyada aage kuch na badhta. Kaleem shayad ye sochne laga ki chunki dono hi ab alag alag tareekon ki jeevan-shaili ke aadi ho chuke hain, kuch raha nahi baat karne ko. Wahin Raju ke dimaag me bhi yehi baat hi daudti thi.
Ye upar jo maine “Ek kahaani bachpan ki” batane ka prayas kiya hai, koi anutha kissa nahi, balki ham sabhi ke jeevan ka ek aham hissa hai. Sabhi log is tarah ki kisi na kisi paristhithi se zaroor guzarte hain. Hum ye sochke kuch nahi karte ki shayad saamne waala aise sochta hoga, wahin shayad wo saamne waala vyakti bhi isi vichaar dhaara ka shikaar hojaata hai.
Kisi bhi rishte me chaahe kisi bhi tarah ka agar koi badlaav aata hai, to wo hamare nazariye ke chalte aata hai. Ye zaroor hai ki samay ke saath hamari zarooraten badalti rehti hain, aur usse rishton me badlaav aana swaabhavik hai, kinto badlaav ka matlab ant nahi hota.
Bachpan me ek dost ne, jise shayri ekkatrit karne ka bada shauk tha, kuch kaha tha jo mujhe abhi bhi yaad hai. “Kona kona mat chalo.. kona toot jayega.. naye se dosti mat karo.. purana chhoot jaega”
Aisa nahi hai ki hame naye dost nahi banana chahiye, par ye zaroor hai ki ham nayon me itne hi na magan hojayen ki puranon ko bhool hi jayen.
Jeevan ke kuch chuninda anubhavon ke aadhar pe itna to gyaat hai ki bachpan me jo mitrata banti hai wo bina kisi prayaas ya koi faayda ko dhyan me rakhke banti hai.
To kaisi lagi aapko ye “Ek kahaani bachpan ki” ?
(Ek aur hindi kahaani: Sameer ki Atlas cycle, zaroor padhiega)
Through the noises in the crowd, my silence shouts aloud..
From the laughter gathered around, sorrow just lies around…
Behind the mask of the affectionate smile, the tears just flow about…
Among the illuminating faces, the shadow of me spins around..
among the certainties of life, the simplicity complicates around..
When inching closer to goals, the fog just moves around…
Moving my way towards the ideal goals, i falter around..
Goal still remains the same, the path just blurs itself..
Silence is what accompanies this dark boulevard..
Putting on the mask, I Walk towards you…
Ulfaton ke ghere me shab jo thi beeti..
Ujaale subah ke bhi kuch haseen na lage…
do ghoonth coffee ke bhi jo gatke..
raat ka andhera yun chaaya raha aankhon me…
to yun tum aa khade koi nayi subah jaise..
ghoonth ab is pyaale ke bhi de rahe kuch alag maza…
manzar ab ye koi naya to nahi..
par kuch naya lag raha hai jaane kyun..
I held his hands as we walked across the field towards the trees inside, moving his firm old hands in systematic swings and singing the rhyme out loud as he requested. Passing across the long grasses and occasionally kicking them midway, we went on. Giving me a firm eye whenever he noticed me doing that to the “poor grasses”, Dada and I went ahead only for me to scream out in surprise at the berries hanging down the trees. I left his loosely clenched hands and ran towards the tree.
As I jumped to catch the berries, I realized that I just could not catch hold of even one of them. Making a face that exactly resembled that of the present-day “sad-smiley” and looking at him, Dada approached me with a big grin on his face. He just brushed up my hair, “buddhu kahin ka”, and just did the same to the tree by lightly shaking one of its branches.
All of a sudden, just like some magic, the berries just fell all over me. Some even hit me, right on my head. Suddenly the sad face of mine, gave way to a big grin, more than what dada had on his face. His face, as I can recall, had a content-filled smile spread all over it. In a way, he found joy in making me feel happy.
Just when I had collected almost all the berries and having eaten some of it, while collecting, I asked for more. Who knows, when will I get an opportunity like this again??
Then one very important thing is what Dada told me. He told me not to rush, it is enough for the day, explaining to me how we should not take away everything that the tree has to offer us, and just wait for it to be ready to give it to us. Although I wouldn’t say I understood all of what he said that day, in retrospection, I did most of it anyway.
Especially when teachers taught us how even plants are living things and how beneficial they are for our survival. Also looking at it, the buzzword of sustainable development, which we now hear so often, we have been exploiting the nature and overusing the resources that are given to us as a gift by the Almighty is what we have been doing, but is something which we should have been very careful about in the first place.
That same day, when walking back, instead of kicking away the long grasses, I just looked at them as to notice what are they going to offer to me later. Meanwhile, I was again back to swinging away from my Dada’s hand like before, carrying a bag of berries in my other hand and singing away the rhyme like before.
This post was written in association with Indiblogger for Kissan contest on #NaturesFriend.
Chahun to chand lamhon me kissa khatam ho..
Taalun to arse beete jaaye…
Chahun to pul lafzon ke bunta jaun..
Jo rok lun to chaukhat bhi paar na ho…
Taareef karun to tumhare kaan dard hojaye..
Jo na bolun to dil pe parten jamti jaaye…
Kehne ko bas do lafz hi kaafi honge..
Darun to bas baaten ghumata hi jaaun…
Chahun to chand lamhon me kissa khatm ho..
Taalun to arse beete jaaye…
Wo halki si daudti tumhare chehre ki lakeer…
Daud wo rahi hai, haanf hum rahe hain…
Nazre bachate, nazre jhukate, tumse khudko chupaate..
Taakte tumhe, kisi kone ko pakde hue…
Wo zulf koi ulajhti hui tumhare chehre se..
Wo aankhen ho jaati tumhare kad se bhi badi..
Wo halki si daudti tumhare chehre ki lakeer..
Muskaan wo tumhari daud rahi his, haanf hum rahe hain..
The silent goodbye..
Reaching out to the stars…
Aspiring to make them my own …
Plans, which kept pushing me higher…
Dreams that propelled me to imaginary heights..
Only to find it all taken away..
Only to find, it all to be an illusion..
And now, when the lightening of realization stuck upon..
And the walls made of dreams have come crashing down..
A free-fall is what it has ensued..
Falling down the abyss of another uncertainty… silently..
I’ll miss the star, the only star..
But maybe some dreams are meant to be dreams…
Dreams which you aspire..Which you chase…
Only to find.. Those were never yours..
The free-fall continues..
Silently bidding the star, a good bye…
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