Category: Fiction & Poetry (Page 2 of 3)
I felt kind of cheated. Not by her. But by my own thoughts which had already started building up 2bhk apartments of imaginations where there had not even been a foundation laid. Even thoughts of me getting laid. 😛
I was stupid. Yes, I was. Being a romantic is a pain in your own ass, you know. You turn every single incident, every single statement and gosh, even you try to read the hidden meanings those smilyes might give off.
Why you ask? Well for starters, I tried to start off a conversation on facebook instead of actually going to her and talking, because you know, I just couldn’t!
So, there I was, sending her a friend request on facebook.
Oh, yes I’ve grown quite addicted to this, thanks to a little jealousy and to sharpen my stalking skills. With anticipation and worries, the night went on. Finally, got the notification that my request was accepted. Yes, I was happy and more so, relieved. A smile flashed in between the lecture, to which the professor gave me a strange look. Thankfully, it just stopped at that. Yeah, the look from him, not my smile.
From that, chats became a regular affair. Of course, I had to initiate those chats every night. Was yet to talk to her in person, but there was no stopping me to continue. And well, as it turned out I wasn’t the only one after her. Not just via this stupid fb chat, but on a lot of “platforms”, from restaurants to late-night walks to helping her in projects. Damn, and I was pinging her on facebook!!
So when this castle started showing cracks of being broken, with the heart breaking stories of her outings with others, and one in particular. I tried to talk one day, and move my online communication to the offline world. But then, the way it all unfolded only made me shrink in with the fear of never getting to be with her. Thoughts of me not of “her league”, not the one she is looking for and a whole lot, creeped in, like a storm.
What happened was a simple incident, a group of friends standing and there she swooped in to talk to one of them, even I mustered up courage to say a few words, afterall even I was one of her friend too, even though it was just facebook. But what I uttered, couldn’t travel the distance of a 2 feet!! Maybe she didn’t hear or maybe she just ignored. And I still repeated the same thing thrice, only to witness my words just fizzing off without getting to her ears.
Not that I never got to talk to her ever again. Staying in a residential college has its own perks, of having to cross paths multiple times and somehow during those “incidents” we did got talking. But then did anything happened or build on post those? Nope, not with me atleast.
A few days later she was with someone else. So, I became the guy, who admired her, while she walked around with someone else. Stalking her.
It wasn’t the end though. I did got my second chance.
What happens next ? Be there to find out soon. Also do read the first two parts of the story.
As narrated by the Idiot, with minimum exaggerations and enhanced expressions. For further development keep waiting.
The eyes just looked red, before I opened up my eyes to see the sun striking down on my face. Sid was just lying around me at that time.
“Wake up, you lazy bum” was what I said while giving a nice kick to the area in question.
He woke up and just stared at my face, as if I’ve done some cardinal sin, by waking him up.
“dude???!!!, what’s wrong with you ? Can’t you just let me sleep for God’s sake!!”
“I would have, had we been in your cushiony bed instead of somewhere in the middle of nowhere, trying to complete the exploration, so get off your ass and get ready”. I felt like some coach of a sports film, giving a lecture to motivate the lads.
Only I wasn’t.
Sid, laughed hard on my face, seeing my “seriousness” but anyways got up.
Both of us had taken part in this competition for exploring the forests of Jharkhand, along with a few other crazy kids from all over India. We were supposed to collect items from a list and find our way to the other end of the forest before the other teams. On paper it was adventurous and super fun. Instead, it was scary and highly uncertain.
The first day, we were able to collect just “satavari”, which is an anti-oxidant and increases memory and is found to be beneficial for the eyes. This was our third day inside the forest, the second day had ended without much luck to complete the lisy. We both were already out of food, except a few pieces of biscuits. The list provided to us, not only had the names of the items but also what they are used for. Having read that this “satavari” can be beneficial for our health too, we tried this too. I’m not sure whether that helped, or it was just pure luck that we were able to spot “gaduchi” , “bala” and “vidarikand”, each of them help in building the immune system and also rejuvenating strength.
We needed strength and taking these things was more of a necessity now. The good thing about trying out these things is that, being herbs, they can only give more of benefoits, rather than the fear of harming us in any which way.
The only thing we needed to complete our list was Ashwagandha and Amla. The day had almost ended and we were unable to locate these. It was almost close to dusk that we finally found these, but to get to these plants, we needed to cross a natural bridge of tree, which might have fallen due to some storm perhaps.
“Come on Raj, we have to get it” cried aloud Sid after half-way going across the way. I am not a fan of heights. Not a fan as in, I’m a little scared. So, I kept my steps very carefully. Hardly, halfway through it, and Sid screamed and fell, and I almost peed. He held onto the branch and shouted. I was reminded of a scene from the movie ”Ishq” (for the uninitiated, the movie starred Amir khan and Ajay devgan in a very similarly funny scene). Funny, in a movie, but it was scary here. Sid, could actually fall and die. And so could I.
But I slowly went ahead and pulled him up, without any more filmy drama. Went ahead to get the other items in the list. Finally, making our way out of the forest.
We did not win. Some other team, completed it in 2 days itself, while we took an extra day altogether. Had something to blame each other knowing very clearly that this trip inside the greens of the forest was better than any other prize, which in this case was a huge bounty.
We were all given big boxes of Chywanprash along with the participation certificates. While coming back, Sid read aloud the list which we were searching for, in the forest.
I was about to say, “stop, it” for rubbing our loss again. But then I saw him reading it from the contents of the Chywanprash box.
We were surprised and amazed to think that things which gave us strength to stay put and survive in the forest are more easily available in these boxes.
At a time when germs like bacteria and viruses are everywhere, your immunity system needs strengthening to be able to cope with various infections and diseases.
The flower-lady was back. The ritual of spreading out her shop on the pavement continued. Carefully placing the basket down from her head and a small broom wrapped around in a polybag and as soon as she could get the dog clear away her area she started cleaning the place.
Settling herself down in the place, she started off arranging the flowers in a particular sequence. Nothing had changed. Nothing appeared to be any different from what it was before. Probably I was in my reverie again when that happened. Or did something actually happen?
I finished my cup of coffee, which didn’t taste the usual, probably because of the milk, or God knows what it was. I had this urge to go and talk with the lady, not sure why, but I just did.
On the pretext of buying flowers, I went. This was the first time, I actually went there. Of course, she was a regular in my having-a-cup-of-coffee-and–staring-outta-my-window schedule, yet it never occurred to me to go and talk to her. To satiate this sudden urge, I went ahead.
I just handed her a 50 rupee note and took hold of a garland which was arranged in sequential order from the time she had arrived. All I could see were jasmine flower garlands around, wondering for a moment how beautiful they looked. She looked clueless, handing the note in her hand, and staring back at me with an answer. Her faced asked a question but I got lost into thoughts of the scars on her face. I got back from that when she finally asked, “Bhaiyya Change nahi hai ?” But again, I didn’t have any change.
I showed her my room through the same broken window and told her that I’ll come and get it the next morning. I thought of asking her, how she got those scars in her face, but couldn’t. Way back to the room, the only thing I thought of was those scars.
Only to be reminded of something else from my past, memories which I had always tried to forget.
“Leave Her, please leave her” I shouted as much as I could. Helplessly just hitting him with my little hands. Gathering all the strength I had, lifting whatever I could and throw at him, but only to find that his tall bulky body would resist it all with a hearty laugh.
My cries to the monster fluctuated from being one for being helplessly pleading to him to shouting with rage. But for kid like me, it all looked just like a cry.
I tried brush aside the flashback. The childhood memories were something I didn’t want to recall. Some things are better left forgotten, and this was definitely one of them.
I went inside and lock the door closed.
Read what happens next, in the broken Window in the next post.
In case you haven’t read the previous ones, here you go!!
Part 1: The Broken Window
(Read the First part of The Broken Window here)
The bell rang. But opening the door, made things even worse.
She was standing right there!!! And it all came knocking down, like a flashback.
We never realize the potential of flashbacks, the age old drama technique used on celluloid, but when it strikes for real, its hell.
The moment froze. She stood there, and I did the same. It was as if I choked internally, only I didn’t. Thankfully, she extended a big “Hiii” to make me skip the continuous live stream of flashback in front of my eyes. Stretching my facial tissues only to form a picturesque smile and to move my jaws in typical fasion, I welcomed her inside.
For her, it was as if nothing had happened. And frankly, Nothing had happened.
Everytime, I saw her. Or even her regularly changing DPs in any of the social networks, it only took me back to her thoughts, which was part of the elaborate stalking exercise.
This one time, she was going on about something, and as always I was only trying hard to concentrate on listening on what her little mouth was blabbering. Nodding my head in between, and mixing it up with the “oooh’s and achaa”.
My eyes would wander around her face, making its way from her wobbling eyes to the straight path down her nose only to land on her moving lips. Then struggling to solve the dilemma of choosing one side to wriggle out of her dimples to rest on those flawless cheeks. Completing a full circle, I’ll wander back to her eyes, which would have grown twice the size from when I started the little trip around her face.
“Sun bhi rahe ho ya nahi ?”
And a standard “Haan be” would follow the question, with a little guilt of lying and resolve to listen. Meanwhile, controlling my urge of going on another trip.
Her, bleak little voice called me up. Oye, Sun!!, while I stood there beside the door lost in thoughts.
She looked tensed, but I won’t say that this was the first time; I’ll have to become her sobbing pillow. I had tried my best to stay away from her, from her life and problems. But somehow it would happen that we’ll end up in the very same situation. Call it routine, or destiny, I’ll call it the story of my life.
Anyways, it was something related to the guy which she went on and on about, I tried my best to reason, console and whatever I could holding myself on rational grounds. I wouldn’t say it’s tough to do it, but definitely irritating to the core. Khair, once it was all done and maybe after a few days things were back to being normal for her, life was back to being the same. How would I know of that? Well, No news from her side, meant things were fine.
And the usual would follow. Devoting my time to either penning something down on the laptop or being lost in reveries through the broken window, peeping across the street. Reveries were my true companion. They gave me company, and not limiting myself to times when I’m alone but even when I’m in the midst of a crowd. It’s now part of my identity, finding its way out through my thoughts. My broken thoughts, through windows like these. The broken window.
The window through which children across the streets played football with polythene wrapped like one, the window through which you see countless birds sitting on those tree branches, flying across and the window through which I could see a very different world and Oh, the window through which the flower-woman struggled to sell flowers every day.
Although, there was bheed in front of the flower-woman today. But from what I could notice, it was not to buy flowers from her. I had my doubts on what it was.
My phone rang in the same time. A minutes’ gap to answer the call and when I came back, the woman was not there.
Strange!!! Where did they took her ?
Read what happens next in The Broken Window in the next post.
Part 1 of The Broken Window Series
Gulping the cup of coffee, and staring through the broken window towards the street across, I just stood there, numb. In that very moment, it was all blank. I wasn’t thinking, just stood up.
A car was honking its way out into the narrow street continuously, until the street kids made their way for it. Some even ran after the car to catch some amusement of their own. Bare-footed, torn clothes adorning their malnourished torsos, but a smile flashing across their faces, they ran. A woman sat along the pavement with jasmine flowers, hardly anyone stopping by. She was young, probably around 22, married. She had a sindoor probably.
Usually at this time, this was how my evening would pass by. A cup of sugarless coffee to give me company, peeping through the window as if I’m scanning the street, as if I was the watchman. Life, even with the monotonous setting, had its charm. The quiet time, spoke with me like it never did before.
A man stopped by to buy the flowers from the woman, probably a garland for the lady sitting in the car parked nearby. He gave her a big note I suppose, she didn’t had chilaer to return perhaps. Neither did she had candies like the shopkeepers now give you in return, and in the process making éclairs as a default currency for chiller in India. She searched under the basket, took out her secret pouch from under her pallu but was probably able to find only some extra cash to return.
The man left without the extra money towards his car and probably the lady who was waiting there.
Meanwhile, my coffee was finished and I got back to my place on the couch. I sat there for a couple of minutes but I was tempted not to. I got the feeling of doing something, something productive, something fun, and something that I always do. Rather used to do. The restlessness grew with every moment and when I couldn’t think of anything else, I just stopped thinking.
It was a lot easier not to think now. Thinking only brought back memories which I just wanted never to resurface again.
And just when I was trying to soothe my nerves, the bell rang. But opening the door, made it even worse.
She was standing there!!! And it all came knocking down, like a flashback.
…. Find out what happens next in my next post of “The Broken Window: and she stood there“
Part 2 of the Story The Broken Window: and she stood there…
I switched the projector on the phone, pointed towards the wall in front of me, and touched Play. It was dark everywhere, but the picture was clear. I could see the snow falling down. I wanted to touch it, feel it. the picture was so crystal clear.
This new phone which I had been gifted by my dad, was something different and weird. Weird because he had to send it all the way to Bangalore from Jamshedpur. He hadn’t even received my call after I surprisingly called him up in excitement.
I went ahead. Even though I felt it to be childish to just go and do this filmsy thing. What was I expecting? That the snow would be real? Huh!! In my dreams… and I just felt it.
OMG!! I just felt it.
I just couldn’t believe my eyes. A video being streamed through my phone on its projector turns it into something real ? or someone is snowing from above, perhaps a prank. I searched through the room from the other side. It looked dark, like it was before. While it was snowing here, It was still dark there . It was all such a contrast. I was still getting a hang of it all.
Just when the phone in the other side of the room, buzzed.
I just went over to the other side, and the video had to be stopped. And it was all gone. I didn’t realized in rush of the moment that it would go as soon as I went out of the snowy picture.
Anyways, I attended the call, and had to leave the place to visit a friend.
It was all a very peculiar incident and I kept on thinking about revisiting the scenario. Or maybe try out another video? Thoughts kept running through my mind, even when I was outside hanging out with my friends.
Time went on, and I became restless. I went to the washroom, people were there. I kept myself busy by doing what they “do” there. Once everyone was gone, I switched on the same video and it sprang right in front of me. The snow, falling all over the other side, while I peeked like an ardent spectator from this side. I again tried to touch it. I did, I felt it. The same rush, of finding something new and incredible. Add the excitement of doing it all alone, without having to share it with anyone else. I was finally reaffirmed that it was not my one-time hallucination or sleeplessness that resulted into the scene in the room.
The door banged open all of a sudden and a man entered. Maybe he saw, what I was doing, what I was witnessing. I quickly stopped the video and stared at him with a completely innocent look. Strange as it might sound, he did the same.
I opened my eyes, to find my friends staring at me. Not with any innocent look, but with worry and fear all over their faces. Before they could say anything, I asked what had happened? And why on earth I am resting on the lap of my friend? It looked all too filmsy to me. Like everything else.
They instead asked me, what happened in the washroom that I took so long and how I became unconscious.
And then it struck me!!!
I was trying to come out after facing that awkward moment with that strange man, and something ht me on my head. I quickly looked for my phone around, not finding the same. I was assured, it was gone.
I never told anyone about the incident, but the thought of that incredible phone, which could make me see and feel things and totally take me with them, is simply hard to forget.
Later that day, as I called my dad to tell him the bad news about the phone, I was stunned!! He had no knowledge about sending me any phone. Talk about mystery!!!
It’s not that I stopped searching for the phone. Maybe if I could catch hold of that strange man, I could still have it. Maybe, that clarity could come in a phone someday later. The optimistic in me, never stops wishing for the same.
This post was written for Asus #IncredibleZen In search of incredible contest for Zenfone in association with Indiblogger.
Ek kahaani bachpan ki
Nange panv khelte khelte koi keel ghuns gayi uske pair me, thoda chubha aur wo zor se chilla baitha. Saath me uske saathi achanak se uski taraf aa khade hue. Keel lambi si hi. Aur bechare Kaleem ka chehra chota sa, upar se uska zor zor se rona. Kaafi vichar-vimarsh ke baad, Raju ne keel nikaal dene ki thaani. Usi beech koi bheed me “tetnus” ke kayi suyian lagne ki bhi baat kar raha tha. To koi Kaleem ke chappal na pehenne ko lekar kuch keh raha tha.
Raju ne jaise hi kaleem ka pair apne haathon me liya, wo aur zor se chillane laga. “Ammi ammi” jaisi koi aawaz nikal rahi thi uski mukh se. Kafi parishram ke upraant, ek jhatke se raju ne surkh ho chuki wo lambi keel nikaal daali. Saath hi me maano khoon ka baandh bhi khul sa gaya ho jaise. Apne jeb se raju ne rumaal nikaala aur baand daala uske pair pe.
Ghar wapas pahunchne par, ammi ki thodi daant aur fir doctor saahab ke paas dher saari suiyon ki thodi aur takleef uthate hue Kareem ka kuch dinon ka aaram shuru hua.
Saalon baad kaleem chal pada tha kisi bade shaher me padhai karne. Naya shahar, naye dost aur saath nayi koi zindagi. Chuttiyon me raju aur baaki gaanv ke doston se mulakaat zaroor hoti, par dheere dheere chuttiyan bhi kam hogayi, aur milna bhi. Ab kaleem bina chappal ke to door, jooton aur gaadiyon ke ilava zameen me pair hi nahi rakhta tha.
Yun to kaleem ne raju ke prati koi khaas bartaav me tabdeeli na kit hi, par fir bhi ab baa two pehle jaisi na thi. Kabhi dekha to “hi, hello” zaroor hota, par kabhi use zyada aage kuch na badhta. Kaleem shayad ye sochne laga ki chunki dono hi ab alag alag tareekon ki jeevan-shaili ke aadi ho chuke hain, kuch raha nahi baat karne ko. Wahin Raju ke dimaag me bhi yehi baat hi daudti thi.
Ye upar jo maine “Ek kahaani bachpan ki” batane ka prayas kiya hai, koi anutha kissa nahi, balki ham sabhi ke jeevan ka ek aham hissa hai. Sabhi log is tarah ki kisi na kisi paristhithi se zaroor guzarte hain. Hum ye sochke kuch nahi karte ki shayad saamne waala aise sochta hoga, wahin shayad wo saamne waala vyakti bhi isi vichaar dhaara ka shikaar hojaata hai.
Kisi bhi rishte me chaahe kisi bhi tarah ka agar koi badlaav aata hai, to wo hamare nazariye ke chalte aata hai. Ye zaroor hai ki samay ke saath hamari zarooraten badalti rehti hain, aur usse rishton me badlaav aana swaabhavik hai, kinto badlaav ka matlab ant nahi hota.
Bachpan me ek dost ne, jise shayri ekkatrit karne ka bada shauk tha, kuch kaha tha jo mujhe abhi bhi yaad hai. “Kona kona mat chalo.. kona toot jayega.. naye se dosti mat karo.. purana chhoot jaega”
Aisa nahi hai ki hame naye dost nahi banana chahiye, par ye zaroor hai ki ham nayon me itne hi na magan hojayen ki puranon ko bhool hi jayen.
Jeevan ke kuch chuninda anubhavon ke aadhar pe itna to gyaat hai ki bachpan me jo mitrata banti hai wo bina kisi prayaas ya koi faayda ko dhyan me rakhke banti hai.
To kaisi lagi aapko ye “Ek kahaani bachpan ki” ?
(Ek aur hindi kahaani: Sameer ki Atlas cycle, zaroor padhiega)
Across the river, on the other side of the village, a few steps away from the banks of the river, there was a tree, a big tree, bearing mangoes. There were not many, just this one big mango tree.
It was summer, and green mangoes in chunks were just hanging out, inviting to be taken down and eaten. But hardly anyone walked around. Maybe because of the deserted place the tree called its’ home.
One day, there was this little girl who walked past this side of the bank. Crying about her broken toy, to people whom she imagined were listening. But there was no one there, not a soul, except this big mango tree.
Moving about here and there, she finally ended up sitting under the shade of the tree. The tree didn’t mind at all. A poor little girl, crying about her broken toy to a lonely tree, why would the tree mind ?
This one day, became two and then three and then it continued. Sometimes, it was more than one time in a day. The tree grew fond of the girl as well. More than crying about that one particular toy, now she had more things to talk about. More fruits to eat, more games to play, more stories to be told and more stories to be heard, and again more fruits to be eaten. It was as if she could tell it all to the tree.
The tree was happy, and the girl too was less sad. They both somehow, filled in the missing pieces in each others’ lives. Their loneliness was what bonded them together.
Days went by and from three visits; it became two and sometimes even one. The tree waited almost every day to meet the girl. Her arrival was now greeted with the best of fruits, which the tree would save for her. Now, there were no broken toys to be talked about, but there were many new toys to talk about though. The girl was happy. The tree did miss not being able to be with her for more time, but was happy to confide in her new-found happiness.
Days again flew by, the girl occasionally came to meet the tree. And even when she did, it was for the mangoes. She ate the mangoes, talked a little and bid the tree goodbye. The girl was happy, the tree became sad. She even told once, that she has found a new tree near her home and so there was no need for her to come this far.
Although she did came once in a while for old times sake perhaps, but those visits were far and few.
The mangoes in the Big tree neared their end. The tree didn’t had much to offer. The tree was back to being its lonely self. It complained to the girl, but her excuses were a long list. The tree, waiting for his days to finish just kept listening, without complaining anymore.
The summer was about to end.
“Select all” “Delete” “Select all” “Delete” “Select all” “Delete” and the sequence continues. Sitting on a Sunday morning, with the Saturday night sleep being snoozed every now and then, one can easily judge the mood of Bhaskar, working his way through emptying the mailbox.
After the curtains tried to flow away, and the light tried to sneak in hurriedly through the cores of the unveiled window sills, it is then he decided to just close down the lid of his laptop and lay down besides her. The distance marked by an imaginary line, which didn’t require any army to keep it there, but only what was going in his mind. But he wasn’t alone.
Even Smruti was preoccupied with even stranger thoughts too.
It’s been almost six months since Smruti got married off to Bhaskar. “Married off” might sound some sort of trade, and even though they both consented to tie the knot with all the pomp and splendor associated with it, yet the iota of doubt already piled up could only be sensed by them both only.
Smruti, a cheerful young 24-year old, fairly cute and what they call naazuk, lived life without bothering about worldly affairs in a thickly populated neighborhood in Jayanti colony in saaddi dilli. A mohalle-wala affair, which couldn’t stand the test of time and compatibility, got over recently. With shadi-ki-umar approaching and parents standing on her neck, she had to let go.
Its’ no amusing that the filmi duniya does impact the life of our youth; Smruti’s dreams were all built with that caricature in place and regularly water those illusions too. But then dreams remained dreams. The mohalle-ka-launda went his way, and she had to stay there to weep her days out, before her parents fixed the match to a handsomely earning Engineer in Patna. The salary was handsome, not the engineer though.
Bhaskar, engineering at a mechanical plant in Patna, while his family stayed back in delhi, was eager to get married. Well, for a guy whose quest in life had only focused on tons of books and then machines, needed to finally get, what society says is “Life”. Junk food, and years of being in love with his window-95 through Vista evolved computer had not just increased the power of his lenses but also his weight. No wonder, apart from being called Bhaskar, his middle name or rather his more familiar name centered on the weight he carried around in fats. So, when a proposal for a delhi-girl came along, where he fell in love with just from the .jpg image that came down in his mailbox. She was cute. There was no way, he was willing to let her go.
Eagerness was what Bhaskar germinated, while apprehensions and simply adhering to what her parents say, Smruti waited.
They tied the knot.
Six months later, things haven’t changed much. Each night Bhaskar tries to make sure that he comes in a little late, so that they don’t have to talk much. So that she doesn’t look at him, as how cruel the god can be to tie her up with him. So that he could just avoid feeling miserable again.
It was that first time they met after being married; Her eyes just spelt it out quite clearly to him. Clear enough to know, the disgust and when a little later, described about how the marriage went through only because she couldn’t say NO. The shutters of the newly inaugurated dreamland store of Bhaskar at Patna, just closed down. Each passing day was another exercise to just keep on moving by just ignoring the reality. Living under the same roof, without being together and yet continuing with it. Well, if stats for the same would be known to public, they won’t
Bhaskar went to the plant. Smruti, roamed around the house and with nothing better to do, switched on the TV. Browsing through the channels she saw news flash of a plant in patna which had a major accident, 100s were feared injured and some dead. And just then the phone rang.
She picked up the phone, “Madam.. yahan sir.. madam.. hello .. hello..”
She dropped the phone and ran away to get the taxi, and with it to the plant site dialing Sameer’s mobile number, without getting a reply. Paying up the driver and stormed around the site, searching.
Her eyes, wandering around to look for something.With all the rescue work and people moving around, they all acted as a veil which she was constantly trying to put off. Tears rolling down her cheeks. Eyes still searching for him.
And then she finally caught him. Both of them looking at each other from a sizeable distance, sizeable and yet his size giving her the relief that he’s fine. The distance seemed to have vanished. Limping across through the site, he walked towards her. She walked too. Her eyes looked different. They had finally found it. Their platinum day of love.
“You are beautiful..” I exclaimed through my reveries, looking at her. She was looking towards the professor and I, towards her. She carelessly turned her head towards me, with the brownish braids and that zulf being parked shabbily above the eyes in contrast to the systematically arranged hairs she had as she turned. Her eyes looked in the direction where I was standing. Standing and gazing at her.
Did she hear what my mind whispered within itself?
I turned my attention to what the teacher was teaching. Knowing well, that the attention was not in the direction where my eyes were. There was a slight, even the slightest chance of her looking this way, towards me; I hesitated to look straight into her deep hazy eyes. Eyes, which won’t let me stare into them without being appreciative of them, demanding they were.
She looked like this. Each time, I lay my eyes on her. From the first day when I saw her, to this day when I again do. Not much had changed. I knew nothing then, and what I know now, is close to that nothing. She is that puzzle that I haven’t been able to solve. Not because of the level of difficulty that it thrusts upon, but each time I sit to complete it, a new piece is added onto it.
Her name was Zakia. Pure. And yes, she was. As pure as anything that I haven’t seen with my eyes.
I remember her wearing a sequined grey salwar kameez , with a chunni laced with beads and embroidery and yet perhaps the soft cotton with which they were made of, kept it flowing away, while she carelessly walked away. It was the first day in college, for me and for her.
There are times when you feel it, something that cannot be expressed and yet felt like a bolt hitting you right there inside your chest. You get the pain, pain which lingers around for a while till she flashes past you. That was the moment. The first moment.
In an age of social networking, its’ pretty amusing for one not being active on any of these platforms. But then, there I was. A novice at this art of Facebooking as what they called it as. I was always like, “what’s the point?” and more importantly never felt like joining it, had better things to do than waste myself on something idiotic as these.
But, now I was in the middle of something more idiotic than anything else.
After cajoling one of my friends to let me use his account, and a little help from the same lad, who happen to be one of the “addicts” on these, I searched on her with help from Zafar. Didn’t took us much time, to actually locate her, and as was evident many from the college were already in her “friends’ list”. Now, as was told to me that this friend list is just virtual social decorum that one follows and doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Of course, I wasn’t listening. A tinge of jealousy laded on an idiotic me was what getting sprinkled on my confused face.
[For the first part, click here ]
As narrated by the Idiot, with minimum exaggerations and enhanced expressions. For further development keep waiting.
The best part between us has been to not talk about our daily grind, there’s no “How was your day?”, “You had your dinner?”,” what’s new?”, and a similar barrage of redundant questions with rebounded answers that even people part of the conversation know, is just to push the conversation forward, yet at least one of them would keep bringing that up.
For us, me and her, it is not that now. Yes, it’s been Me and Her.
Not that we have a series of other conversational topics that keep us occupied, but something that pushes beyond the mundane outflow of words. There is a sense of tranquility lingering on the onset of these little exchanges; there is an essence of satisfaction from what I get to hear from her in return of my blabber through the course of trying hard not to sound like an idiot. Not at least this second time.
I get this vibe of her knowing about this idiotic me and yet tries to suppress this idea. Just let me stay where I am, of not letting me scale up the ladder to gather enough courage to do something more idiotic? Or there is a flicker of hope down the road which she wants me to travel? Travel along with her.
Yes, I think too much. Too much to build castles up in the air, too much to stress myself out of things that may never happen actually. Portraying me as either an Optimistic would be far-fetched but tagging me as a pessimistic would also be an understatement; which even an idiot like me understands.
It is indeed difficult to understand her, not that I have never tried. Tried for Days, tried for Months and even for a Year, but couldn’t. Just couldn’t. Not her, nor anything from her. What I have only known is about the push which I gave myself, to try and try harder. Again and again. Only to return empty handed on each occasion.
But now, it has come down to a different level, a level where I pull myself from trying anything. Where I contain my urge to again understand her, to get to dive deep into those eyes and gather any glimmer of hope beaming out to be reflected on a future where I can be a part of it.
I don’t want to think now. Neither of trying, neither to look at the prospects of any build-up to what I have now. I just want this to continue. I just want this to not change itself, of the connect that comes through her to me, even though it may be for a little while, before she lets go off this idiot yet again, but I want to savour this moment, these moments binding themselves to remain etched as precious little possessions to be kept for life.
It isn’t love, it isn’t any infatuation either, and it’s something which I don’t understand and something which makes me a hopeful. A hopeful idiot.
As narrated by the Idiot, with minimum exaggerations and enhanced expressions. For further development keep waiting.