Let’s stop blaming

I’ve been trying to articulate a lot of things over the last week to say something about what happened in Bangalore on New Year’s Eve. And no matter how hard I tried, the words were just not coming out right. There’s nothing I could add that hasn’t been said before. I wrote this piece 4 years back (Read here: https://reveringthoughts.com/2013/01/05/story-of-india-apples-and-oranges/) and I guess I’ll be writing similar things decades later as well.

Irrespective of how guilty we might feel on what happened that night or countless other nights or even during daytime. There doesn’t seem to be one solution for this. Unless you are someone who can blame women for wearing or not wearing a particular type of clothes or blaming the police for “not doing their job” or It is because of “outsiders,” there doesn’t seem to be a practical solution to it all.

People sharing or debating, #NotAllMen or #AllMen are stupid. If no one else told you about it, then here I am shouting, You are effing stupid.

The problem lies in our Men. The problem lies in our Women. The problem lies in our Movies. The Problem lies in our Books. And how all of these varied sets of elements shape our psychology, where the actual problem lies.

If you’re wondering Why, and you think just one of the above can is to be blamed, then the problem lies there as well.

Yes, I’ll tell you why.

Let me explain.

1. Lack of Sex education: 

In a country obsessed with marriages and the excellent ideas of marriage and producing babies and showing them off as “Achievement” in daily report cards, surprisingly sex education is a No-No. Leave aside politicians, who are “preserving culture,” even when we are the land of Kamasutra, and our temples have imagery to educate people of this. [khajurao, Konark being the prominent examples]. As parents, how many have talked about it with their teenage kids? Is it okay to let your kids get all sorts of stupid ideas about sex from strangers or their peers, who are as confused as them?!

Talk to them! Yes, it’s going to be awkward. But find a way!

2. The fear of the Unknown:

Menstruation. Sanitary pads. Condoms.

Yes, I know you cannot say those words out loud. It’s a taboo.

Stop it from being a taboo. Don’t fear to speak about these. We are in 2017, for God’s sake! Make it the new normal!

3. Women, stand for each other!

No, I’m not telling you to be Feminazi!

Stop judging each other! Yes, men are dogs, but can you stop being bitchy about each other?!

Only If I had a penny every time a girl called the other a “slut” for the dress or “Fat” as of it is derogatory!

If you define each other with that, what do you expect men who already have a “superior sense of being” from the time the universe was formed, to do?

4. Men, Call out your Asshole friends

Yes. We all have those “friends.”

I know we all have online stalked someone, at some point, or even stood out there outside to catch a glimpse of our crushes. We’ve also tried to talk to or become “friends” with them to move things forward. We can all blame it on movies in the 80s and 90s or the countless “examples,” we’ve seen in front of us, but we’ve done it on some levels. We all can change for the better, right ?!

We also know of people who have crossed lines when doing this and it’s high time we tell them. If we are those people, we should say to ourselves.

Let’s not think it’ll be “Uncool” and just call out that shit. Shall we?

5. Dear Women, learn to say, NO clearly!

Dear women, men find you attractive. They are going to approach you, talk to you, ask you for a date or maybe “for dinner or coffee or a movie.” Don’t make stupid excuses, just say NO! Don’t assume it’ll hurt them or you’ll appear rude or anything, just politely say No, if you don’t want to go. Sure, you’d want some of them to be your friends, but as soon as you sense something else, just cut them off. Yes, be rude.

6. And Dear Men, learn to “Back off”!

Men, just have a little self-respect. Will you ?!

Sure, I’m not trying to be preachy and ranting all this to prove that I’ve not done anything wrong. All of this applies to me as well. I’m sure, even I, along with the entire men folk, ogle at women at some point. And please, let’s just not blame the men for doing that, a “shirtless-Salman Khan” isn’t yesterday’s product! We’ve fancied the scantily clad “sexiness” in a lot of item numbers and a lot of other things under the hood. But let’s not try shifting blame onto politicians, films, Men and most probably not on Women and learn to realize our mistakes and improve on them. It’s a new year, after all!